September 1 2023
We spend so much time in our lives explaining ourselves to others. We feel the need to justify our decisions and our behaviors to everyone because for some reason we feel it’s expected.
The truth is…..it is not necessary. Especially to people who are very aware of their own behavior and how it shaped your reaction and your feelings.
People who treat you a certain way, are very aware of what they are doing….and it almost feels like a test to see how much you will tolerate. Somewhere along the road to adulthood we adopted the mindset that continuing to tolerate bad behavior is an assumed responsibility to certain relationships. It is not.
We waste countless hours explaining ourselves to people who don’t deserve those God given moments in our life, because we have an insatiable need to be understood.
Your heart feels the words spoken by others and interprets them with 100% accuracy. After that…..it’s just an exchange of word salads by everyone involved to justify their behavior.
As we grow older, and the realization of how precious each and every moment of our life is, we feel less need to explain what is already obvious.
Personal growth begins when you stop feeling the need to explain yourself. When your boundaries are clear, and the level of respect you deserve is clear…..anyone who treats you ‘less than’ has demonstrated your boundaries are not respected. Once that happens…as they say…’the genie is out of the bottle’.
You can bang your head against the wall and try a dozen different ways to explain yourself…but when you have been shown ‘true colors’…. how you chose to proceed moving forward is up to you.
Healthy choices often times result in a smaller, more select group of friends….but that’s not a bad thing. It’s a deliberate choice to respect yourself.
Time spent explaining yourself to people who have already diminished your value, or arrived at a conclusion of who you are, without caring enough to really know you, is not time well spent. The older we get, the more obvious this becomes.
There are stages of healing when we lose relationships. Initially there is extreme hurt,… followed by a period of time where you search for words to express how you feel, but there doesn't seem to be any. Then a feeling of anger sets in when you realize someone you cherished actually felt it was ok to treat you the way they did…..and then finally resignation that they are not who you thought they were.
Family…..…is a word.
Friend….….is a word.
Husband…. is a word.
Wife……… is a word.
Words don't define people, and they don't define you.
When relationships change course, it doesn’t mean you stop loving that person….it simply means you have arrived at a place in your life where every God given moment is so treasured…..you are no longer willing to waste a single, God given, treasured moment.
Regardless of a label society puts on a person…..the only thing that matters is how someone treats you.
Listen to your heart….always.
If something doesn’t feel right…its because it isn’t.
Trust that.
But that’s just my opinion…:)
