July 31 2022
Any relationship that ends without a sense of closure, makes for a much longer journey as you move through the healing process. Closure facilitates your ability to move forward.
You almost feel captive by that person, or circumstance, until all the ‘whys’ are answered so you can move on. But often times you don't get those answers and you are left with a pile of emotions to sift through on your own.
If someone refuses to discuss your issues in person or, at the very least, on the phone, they are simply avoiding being accountable for their behavior. They don't want to hear your voice, or feel your reaction, and they certainly don't want to look you in the eye because they know in their heart they behaved badly.
So, in an odd way….if someone avoids sitting down with you and sifting through your differences….they are already admitting your feelings are valid, and they simply aren't in a place to be accountable. At that point…it’s about them….not you.
Ive been in situations where I never received the respect of ‘accountable closure.’ There were no phone conversations, and only an occasional email here and there discussing the issues. For me, emails were a waste of time, and in my experience only made things worse. There is no tone of voice to listen to, and the writings are generally well thought out and contrived …which is not how people naturally converse.
So I made the decision to completely walk away and formulate my own sense of closure that would ultimately help my heart to heal. Countless hours of therapy, journal entries, and having conversations out loud with myself as if the other person could actually hear me….still left me adrift in a sea of ‘why’s’. I couldn't figure out how to work through it all by myself. The other half of the puzzle was missing. It's like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together without the picture for reference. You can do it…..but it seems to take forever.
The universe knew I would welcome any furry critter that crossed my path, which made them perfect candidates to teach me a very important life’s lesson. Befriending wildlife comes with the unspoken understanding, that there may come a day when they simply don't show up. They may be with you one day….and gone the next. Each time a beloved little critter suddenly stopped visiting I was left wondering why. I didn't know if they had been hit by a car, died of old age, was killed by a hunter, or attacked by a wolf and left for dead. It was a very uneasy feeling….and it was familiar. There was no closure. But each time I had to emotionally deal with the loss of a deer, a moose, or even a little squirrel ……my coping skills improved. I realized I can still love with my whole heart, and also move through their unexplained absence.
It was then that I realized the gift I'd received was not the closure I was seeking.....but the ability to continue to grow without it. Closure comes from within you...not from others.
In learning to appreciate the tentative status of relationships…two legged or four….we are reminded to appreciate and embrace each special moment while they are with us. Those are the gifts.
And it doesn't matter if the day is filled with overwhelming challenges…because the gifts are still there. The gift is the opportunity to work through them. The gifts are in the growth and the insight that follow.
And when you finally come full circle in healing….you can look back and realize that person, or that animal, or that situation didn't leave you with a handful of ‘whys’.…they gifted you with an opportunity to grow. No one picked you up, and no one answered those questions for you. You finally realized you can do that on your own.
The ‘cherry on top’ in all of this, is the added self confidence and self respect you feel inside. You take on bigger challenges, and dream ‘outside the box’. And you’re comfortable there. And you’re comfortable there because you know the power to resolve future challenges already exists within yourself. Not in the hands of someone else.
Its empowering, and it's healing.
Alice In Wonderland once said….”I cant go back to yesterday because I was a different person back then”.
She wasn't stuck from going back…..she was simply on her way…..
But that’s just my opinion. :)
