July 10 2022
When I sat down and put pen to paper to write the last chapter of my life through my will and trust….I was reminded of the obvious. It’s all just ‘stuff’. The solid teak buffet that I couldn't live without and spent $6,000 on….doesn't matter. All my high end purses and boots…don't matter. Even the cars I have detailed and personalized…don't matter.
I started listing all my significant belongings and I realized I really didn't care where they ended up. Their value is in the memories they carry with them….not their physical presence.
I have a few, special pieces of jewelry that will go to a few very special friends…..but there isn't much else I’m concerned with.
My main focus is to make sure my dogs and domestic pets have good homes and continue to be loved and spoiled as they deserve to be.
The goal with the new home build is to use one acre for the house, and the remaining nine acres used as an animal sanctuary. A place for injured wildlife to rehabilitate, a safe place for mommas to have their babies, and elder critters to live out their remaining days in comfort and care. The funds from liquidated assets will be reinvested into the new property in the hopes it will continue long after I’m gone.
That is what matters to me. It is a commitment to Gods creatures that drives me to get this project done.
The property has been officially named ‘Halos Grove’.
A place where angels gather. :)
As this project continues to slowly materialize…some realizations have evolved that brought some much needed closure. I’ve never fully understood why certain events in my life played out the way they did. I kept waiting for closure and reasoning, and logic……but it never came. After four years I stopped waiting for the answers, and simply made a commitment to move forward every day and create something I believe in. I’ve realized I wouldn't be creating this sanctuary if I had stayed and continued to struggle through the life I had. I would still be spinning my wheels trying to get approval from people who continued to make me work for it. I would still be an embarrassment to the people who were overly critical. I would have spent the rest of my life trying to be enough for people who ultimately didn't really care anyway.
We only get one life.
I realized being alone was easier than being a continuous disappointment in the eyes of others….even immediate family.
But in the years following my ‘departure’, gifts were bestowed upon my life, that came to me in the form of deer, and moose, and even a little squirrel named Clifford. They brought with them… acceptance. And their acceptance was the reason my heart began to mend. Somehow these amazing creatures helped me realize I was deserving of love.
When your heart is hurting, don't expect the healing to come from the people who have hurt you. Pay attention to the other avenues in your life that are bringing you solace. Those avenues will slowly help you make sense of your past journey. Be mindful when those avenues open to you. Don't miss them because you stayed laser focused on a specific outcome you envisioned, because that may never happen.
I realized the problem wasn't the cruel behavior of others. It was my lack of self respect that tolerated it. And that is why the resolve was never going to come from them. It had to come from me in recognizing my self worth. I would have waited a lifetime for something the people in my life were not capable of giving. The acceptance I wished for just came to me in a different form. And thankfully my heart was in a place to recognize and receive it. I was able to do that because I finally believed I was deserving.
Stay committed to moving forward every day…..even when the days are dark, and the tears wont stop. Get up the next day and do it all again. That determination alone will slowly bring you closure, and a new found level of self respect.
As Glenda the ‘good witch’ from The Wizard Of Oz once said….
“You had the power all along”.
I may not have a pair of ruby slippers…..but I do have a pair of leather boots that will take me the distance. :)
In completing my trust and getting my ‘ducks in a row’ I realized what really matters and what doesn't. Possessions don't matter. Life’s lessons, and the moments of clarity, acceptance, and love do matter. And those moments aren't left behind in a will or a trust…..we get to keep them forever.
But thats just my opinion…:)
